Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Last wish

Old Max had started out as a diamond cutter, and through
hard work and good judgement he finally became the owner
of a National chain of jewelry stores. He was wealthy
indeed.

But now, he lay dying, so he called his wife to his side.
“Hannah,” he began, “I always meant to draw up a will but
somehow I never got around to it. So pay close to attention
to my last wishes.”

“Yes, Max, I am listening,” Hannah wept. “Whatever you want,
it will be done.”

“First of all, the business I leave to Harry.”

“Oh, no, Max, not to Harry!” his wife protested. “With Harry
it’s girl-girls-girls! Leave the business better to Jerome.
He’s at least reliable and has a good head for figures.”

“Alright, let it be Jerome,” sighed the dying man. “To Harry
I leave the stocks and bonds.”

“Better you should leave me the stocks and bonds. I should
take care he doesn’t squander it on women or cards.”

“Very well, in your name I leave the securities. And the
summer house I leave to our sweet Minnie.”

“Minnie!” exclaimed his wife. “What for what does Minnie
need another summer house? Her husband didn’t buy her one
last year? Give it to Anna – her husband is a poor man.
After all she’s our flesh and blood too.”

“Fine! Anna gets the summer house,” he sighed resignedly.
“And to our youngest Abe, I leave the car and the warehouses.”

“But Abe has already 2 cars. What does he need with another
one? And he wants to be a musician – what would he do with
warehouses? Take my advice and give them to Louis.

That did it! Old Max had taken all he could of his wife’s
interference. Raising himself off the pillow and summoning
his last ounce of strength, he snapped, “Hannah, you are a
good women and have been a fine wife and mother. But listen
– who is dying around here – you or me?”


(Taken from Docs daily chuckles)


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Monday, August 19, 2013

Magic bowl

Moral: Man’s desire for Money will never finish. If he has a million dollars he will wish for two. So the right way is to be content with whatever you have.



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Saturday, August 17, 2013

WHAT IS LOVE


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.  See what you think:
“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.  That’s love.” Rebecca – age 8
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.  You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4
Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7
“Love is when you kiss all the time.  Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.  My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily – age 8
 “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7
“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6
“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.  I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.  He was the only one doing that.  I wasn’t scared anymore,” Cindy – age 8
“My mommy loves me more than anybody.  You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” Clare – age 6
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine -age 5
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann – age 4
“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 4
“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” Karen – age 7
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it.  But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.  People forget,” Jessica – age 8




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Friday, August 16, 2013

Computer

A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user...

Help desk: Double click on "My Computer".

Lady: I can't see your computer...

Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer.

Lady: How the hell can I click on ur computer from my computer???!!

Help desk: there is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it...

Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ??!!!


                                                     (Taken from Santa Banta)



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Sunday, August 11, 2013

Calorie rules

People often tell you not to eat this or eat that because it contains more calories and that extra calories are bad for you. Well here are some rules of calories which you can tell them:

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie-related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

Cookie pieces contain no calories — the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.




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