John and Mary

John and Mary had a comfortable home and two lovely children, a boy and a girl. John had been asked to go on a business trip to another city and would be gone for several days, so Mary decided to go along, and they hired a reliable woman to care for the children.

On their way back, as they drove into their hometown feeling glad to be back, they noticed smoke, and they went off their usual route to see what it was. They found a home in flames. Mary said, "Oh well it isn't our fire, let's go home."

But John drove closer and exclaimed, "That home belongs to Fred Jones who works at the office. He wouldn't be off work yet, maybe there is something we could do." "It has nothing to do with us." protested Mary. "You have your good clothes on lets not get any closer."

But John drove up and stopped and they were both horror stricken to see the whole house in flames. A woman on the lawn was in hysterics screaming, "The children! Get the children!" John grabbed her by the shoulder saying, "Get a hold of yourself and tell us where the children are!" "In the basement," sobbed the woman, "down the hall and to the left."

In spite of Mary's protests John grabbed the water hose and soaked his clothes, put his wet handkerchief on his head and bolted for the basement which was full of smoke and scorching hot. He found the door and grabbed two children, holding one under each arm like the football player he was. As he left he could hear some more whimpering. He delivered the two badly frightened and nearly suffocated children into waiting arms and filled his lungs with fresh air and started back asking how many more children were down there. They told him two more and Mary grabbed his arm and screamed, "John! Don't go back! It's suicide! That house will cave in any second!"

But he shook her off and went back by feeling his way down the smoke filled hallway and into the room. It seemed an eternity before he found both children and started back. They were all three coughing and he stooped low to get what available air he could. As he stumbled up the endless steps the thought went through his mind that there was something strangely familiar about the little bodies clinging to him, and at last when they came out into the sunlight and fresh air, he found that he had just rescued his own children.

The baby-sitter had left them at this home while she did some shopping.

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Mother

When you came into the world, she held you in her arms. You thanked her by wailing like a banshee. When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked her by crying all night long. When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her by running away when she called. When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor. When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons. You thanked her by coloring the dining room table. When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud. When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!" When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor' s window. When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap. When you were 9 years old, she paid for music lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastics to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies.You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.Those teenage years - When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming.You thanked her by telling her she had no taste. When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, she taught you how to driver her car.You thanked her by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.You thanked her by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation.You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.Growing old and gray - When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags.You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business." When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future.You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you." When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe. When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly. When you were 24, she met your fiancé and asked about your plans for the future.You thanked her by glaring and growling, "Muuhh-there, please!" When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you.You thanked her by moving halfway across the country. When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby.You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now." When you were 40, she called to remind you of an relative's birthday.You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now." When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.And then, one day, she quietly moved. And Everything you never did came crashing down like thunder. Let us take a moment of the time just to pay tribute/show appreciation to the SPECIAL person called MOTHER though some may not say it openly to their mother. There's no substitute for her. Cherished every single moment. Though at times she may not be the best of friends, may not agree to our thoughts, she is still your mother!!! She will be there for you...to listen to your woes, your bragging, your frustrations, etc. Ask yourself. have you put aside enough time for her, to listen to her "blues" of working in the kitchen, her tiredness??? Be tactful, loving and still show her due respect though you may have a different view from her.

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Italian Mathematics...

A recent Italian immigrant comes to New York and wants a job. However, the foreman at the job site won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question," the foreman says. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has ust drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

"All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian man stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and poop by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred.

So, when I start?"

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Ghandism

Gandhism: You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk. ******* Indiraism: You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows. ******* Lalooism: You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them. ******* Rajnikantism: You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth. ******* Rajivism: You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk. ******* Softwarism:(Ultimate....): Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them 1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off) 2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan) 3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design) 4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework) 5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC) 6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2 7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework) 8 . Redo step 4 9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over) 10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing) 11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there. 12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls 13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing) 14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test) 15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk 16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue) 17. Again you slog and send it with good performance. 18. Client is happy??? By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!! *******

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