Presence of mind

There was once a famous Jewish court astrologer named Isaac the Great. The King's mistress got sick and Isaac was called in from a prediction. He happened to know a bit of medicine as well and could see that she was going to die, so thought he would take the opportunity to bolster his credibility a little. He said, "Your Majesty, she will die in three days -- it's in the stars." Sure enough, three days later, she dies. The King is very angry so he blames the astrologer. He calls Isaac in and demands, "Look into the stars and tell me the day of your own death." Isaac the astrologer understands that the King is going to kill him so he looks at the Horoscope with great intensity and answers, "Sir, I can't tell exactly when, but I can see in the stars that the King will die three days after me."

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Who is perfect

A Man and his Girlfriend were married. It was a large celebration. All of their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. A wonderful time was had by all.

The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true. A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: “I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage.” she offered. “Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together.”

The husband agreed, so each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists. “I’ll start,” offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husbands eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing” the husband replied, “keep reading your lists.” The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.

“Now, you read your list and then we’ll talk about the things on both of our lists.” She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, “I don’t have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don’t want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn’t want to try and change anything about you.”
The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

CONCLUSION :In life, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don’t really have to go looking for them.

We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise. Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST WHEN we see and praise the good and try our best to forget the bad. Nobody’s perfect but we can find perfectness in them to change the way we see them.

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TyPING MIStAKE

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake... MONDAY: For sale - Vishant has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishant's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs. Mani, who lives with him after 7PM.

WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishant has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: For sale - Vishant has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.

THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishant, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit!

(TAKEN FROM SANTA BANTA)

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Miracle

Doctor Simon was known throughout town as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment. One day, Betty, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her. Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office.

15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face. A woman in the waiting room says to Betty, “It’s unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect. What a fantastic doctor he is. Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”

“Miracle, shit miracle,” says Betty, “he just gave me a longer walking stick.”?

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Phone call

A man at work calls home and his 8 years old daughter picks the phone:

“Hi honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”

“No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” The little girl quipped.

“After a brief pause daddy says, “But honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”

“Oh yes I do,and he is upstairs in the room with mommy right now.”

Brief pause,“Uh okay then, this is what I want you to do: put the phone down on the

table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout to mommy that daddy’s car has just arrived at the gate.”

“Ok daddy just a minute….”

A while later the little girl comes back to the phone, “Done it daddy.

””What happened honey?”

“Well, mommy got scared and jumped out of the bed naked, ran round the room

screaming, tripped over, and knocked her head on the staircase, now she is not moving at all.”

“What about Uncle Paul?” asked Dad.

He jumped out the window into the swimming pool, but I guess he didn’t know

you emptied the water last week. He hit the bottom and I think he’s dead.”

After a really long pause this time…Daddy says, “Swimming pool, but we don’t have a

swimming pool! Is this 486-5731?”

“No, this is 486-5713”

“Sorry wrong number….!!!!” Says the man and cuts the phone

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