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Friday, December 16, 2011

Fathers, then and now

Fathers of 1909 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
• In 1909, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
• In 1909, a father's horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it's the size of his minivan.
• In 1909, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.
• In 1909, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
• In 1909, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
• In 1909, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
• In 1909, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
• In 1909, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school”.
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up; it's time for hockey practice”.
• In 1909, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Rupa’s at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."
• In 1909, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE...”
• In 1909, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams: "I wanted Sega Game!"

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

About getting old

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!

But then
you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!



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Monday, December 12, 2011

Exercise For Seniors

Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my younger friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.
• Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
• With a 5-kg. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
• Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
• After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-kg. potato sacks.
• Then 50-kg. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-kg. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
• After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful.



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