I wish I was a child again

1. Decisions were made by saying "eeny-meeny-miney-mo”.
2. "Race issue," meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
3. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly”.
4. Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
5. It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
6. Being old referred to anyone over 20.
7. It was magic when Dad would "remove" his thumb.
8. It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn't an Olympic event.
9. Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.
10. Nobody was prettier than Mom.
11. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
12. No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
13. "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.
14. Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down would cause giggles.
15. The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
16. War was a card game.
17. Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
18. Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
19. Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors but also the fiercest protectors.

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Men

Men Bashing

1. Why are men such dogs?
I resent that! Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient...

2. Why do men always say such stupid things?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

3. Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.

4. Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.

5. Why can't men just say "I love you?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.

6. Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? err... Buying?

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Why should I exercise?

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!


Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling Single again.

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Three Men and a Wpman

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about two hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this river."

Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge

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My baby

“Can I see my baby?” the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby’s hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother’s arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks. He blurted out the tragedy. “A boy, a big boy … called me a freak.” He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. “But you might mingle with other young people,” his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart. The boy’s father had a session with the family physician. Could nothing be done? “I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured,” the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. Two years went by. Then, “You are going to the hospital, Son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it’s a secret,” said the father. The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. “But I must know!” He urged his father, “Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him.” “I do not believe you could,” said the father, “but the agreement was that you are not to know … not yet.” The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come … one of the darkest days that a son must endure. He stood with his father over his mother’s casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal that the mother had no outer ears. “Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut,” he whispered gently, “and nobody ever thought Mother less beautiful, did they?” Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart. Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen. Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.

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