Nurse

Hospital Stay

This is an idea for when they put us in "the Home!" I was sick and in the hospital. There was one nurse that just drove me crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,

'And how are we doing this morning',

Or   'Are we ready for a bath', or   'Are we hungry ?'                   

I had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bed side stand.

Later, I was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.

So you know where the juice went !

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. 'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today.'

At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'

  The nurse fainted.......... I just smiled.

DON'T MESS WITH  OLD PEOPLE

 

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NICE

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April fools day

. An Interesting History of 1752 Here is an interesting historical fact that you probably didn't know. Just have a look at the calendar for the month of September 1752. (If you think I'm joking, you may search it on Google and see it for yourself.) In case you haven't noticed, 11 days are simply missing from the month. Here's the explanation: This was the month during which England shifted from the Roman Julian Calendar to the Gregorian Calendar. A Julian year was 11 days longer than a Gregorian year. So, the King of England ordered 11 days to be wiped off the face of that particular month. (A King could order anything, couldn't he?) So, the workers worked for 11 days less that month, but got paid for the whole month. That's how the concept of "paid leave" was born. Hail the King!!! In the Roman Julian Calendar, April used to be the first month of the year; but the Gregorian Calendar observed January as the first month. Even after shifting to the Gregorian Calendar, many people refused to give up old traditions and continued celebrating 1st April as the New Year's Day. When simple orders didn't work, the King George II finally issued a royal dictum; which stated that those who celebrated 1st April as the new year's day would be labelled as fools. From then on, 1st April became April Fool's Day. History !

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Bananas

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You could have

An old married couple were traveling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room at a hotel. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out of the hotel four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

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