Cat and God

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.

Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.

We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.

Running, running, running; we're tired of running.

Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.

Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

FROM:SUNIL


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Phone call

Unknown call on a guys mobile. A girl speaks.

Girl: do u have a girlfriend?

Man: yes who r u?

Girl: your wife, Just come home I will see u….!

Another unknown call comes

Girl: do you have a girlfriend?

Man: no! who r you?

Girl: your girlfriend you cheat

Man: sorry darling i thought ur my wife

Girl: Its ur wife only….!
Now u just come home….!!

(taken from:venkat mails)

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Cat and God

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.

Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.

We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.

Running, running, running; we're tired of running.

Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.

Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

FROM:SUNIL


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SOME INTERESTING FACTS

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

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History of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC)

When Colonel Harland Sanders retired at the age of 65, he had little to show for himself, except an old Caddie roadster, a $105 monthly pension check, and a recipe for chicken.
Knowing he couldn't live on his pension, he took his chicken recipe in hand, got behind the wheel of his van, and set out to make his fortune. His first plan was to sell his chicken recipe to restaurant owners, who would in turn give him a residual for every piece of chicken they sold--5 cents per chicken. The first restaurateur he called on turned him down.
So did the second.
So did the third.
In fact, the first 1008 sales calls Colonel Sanders made ended in rejection. Still, he continued to call on owners as he traveled across the USA, sleeping in his car to save money. Prospect number 1009 gave him his first "yes”.
After two years of making daily sales he had signed up a total of five restaurants. Still the Colonel pressed on, knowing that he had a great chicken recipe and that someday the idea would catch on.
Of course, you know how the story ends. The idea DID catch on. By 1963 the Colonel had 600 restaurants across the country selling his secret recipe of Kentucky Fried Chicken (with 11 herbs and spices).
In 1964 he was bought out by future Kentucky governor John Brown. Even though the sale made him a multi-millionaire, he continued to represent and promote KFC until his death in 1990.

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Story with a twist

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees,

so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.

A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.

He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.
 The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.

 

While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same.

Next, he took down his own hat; the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind……
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So
he finally managed to get all his hats back.

 

 

 

Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and
had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.
One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was
very hot, and he took a nap under the
same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.

He remembered his grandfather’s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.

Now, very convinced of his grandfather’s idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and

Guess!!! Said what???
************ ****

************ *..

***********. .

*********..

********

*****..

****.

***

**.

 

*.
*
..
.
.
.
"You think only you have a grandfather????!!!!

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How to get back your car after it is stolen

It takes only 2 minutes for a car thief to runaway with your car. No matter you have a trekker and auto-alarming devices fitted in your car.

The best safety for your car is a live and active Mobile Phone hidden in a
safe place in your car:

1. Buy any low price mobile phone with longer standby time
(Qmobile has one model which runs for 10 days on standby and cost
around Rs.2,200/-).

2. Install a mobile connection which has best network in the country.

3. Turn this mobile on complete SILENT mode (double check it should
not vibrate while you turn it on SILENT mode).

4. Wrap it up slightly in a plastic sheet so that it should not get dirty anddusty during its hidden use.

5. Make sure it is perfectly responding by calling its number from
another mobile phone.

6. Hide this mobile in a safe place in your car. And that’s it!!!

If by any chance your car is stolen, immediately inform your local Police.
Give them the phone number of the mobile hidden in your car. Police can
easily track the location by calling that number. Chances are that you
may get back your car within the shortest possible time.
And finally do not forget to charge this mobile at least twice a week and
hide it back in your car in active position.

• Post to Facebook

Courtesy Venkat mails

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Sardarjis

We all love Sardar jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the hardest working prosperous and diversified communities in the world.

My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During last vacation, his few friends came to Delhi. They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man.

But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said,

”Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don’t mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world.. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.’

My friend continued,* ‘ That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn’t find a single Sardar begging anywhere.’

MORAL:

The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry, … but he will never beg on the streets.

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Punishment

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out. 

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Trust your husband please

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband, for example...

A wife comes home late at night from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling," he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say, 'Hello' to them?"

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How easy it is to impress a man

* TO IMPRESS A WOMAN *

Compliment her,

Respect her,

Honor her,

Cuddle her,

Caress her,

Love her,

Comfort her,

Protect her,

Hold her,

Spend money on her,

Wine and dine with her,

Buy things for her,

Listen to her,

Care for her,

Stand by her,

Support her,

Hold her,

Go to the ends of the
Earth for her.

BUT

* HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN *
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
\
*JUST SMILE ONCE AND HE’S YOURS* (Girls celebrate cheskondi!!!)

(Taken from Venkats blogs)

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Black and white

This happened on TAM airlines.

A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her seat and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man. Visibly furious, she called the air hostess.

“What’s the problem, ma?” the hostess asked her.
“Can’t you see?” the lady said – “I was given a seat next to a black man. I can’t seat here next to him. You have to change my seat”

“Please, calm down, ma” – said the hostess.
“Unfortunately, all the seats are occupied, but I’m still going to check if we have any.”

The hostess left and returned some minutes later.

“Madam, as I told you, there isn’t any empty seat in this class- economy class. But I spoke to the captain and he confirmed that there isn’t any empty seat in the economy class. We only have seats in thefirst class.”

And before the woman said anything, the hostess continued

“Look, it is unusual for our company to allow a passenger from the economy class change to the first class. However, given the circumstances, the commandant thinks that it would be a scandal to make a passenger travel sat next to an unpleasant person.”

And turning to the black man, the hostess said: “Which means, Sir, if you would be so nice to pack your handbag, we have reserved you a seat in the first class…”

And all the passengers nearby, who were shocked to see the scene started applauding, some standing on their feet.”

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Depressing Article

AND THEN IT IS WINTER   I FIRST STARTED READING THIS EMAIL & WAS READING FAST UNTIL I REACHED THE THIRD SENTENCE. I STOPPED AND STARTED OVER READING SLOWER AND THINKING ABOUT EVERY WORD. THIS EMAIL IS VERY THOUGHT PROVOKING. MAKES YOU STOP AND THINK. READ SLOWLY! You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.  But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.  But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant..but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!  And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...its over. A new adventure will begin!  Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime. So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!! "Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one. Remember "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.   LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:   TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE SO - ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

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Beetroot

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Facebook

Facebook is a popular social networking website and is very popular for sharing and  connecting with friends, but there are many interesting things that you cannot do out of facebook. Top 10 things you would never do out of Facebook: Congratulated for his birthday to strangers : not congratulate yourself the 5th neighbor the other side, that tell the facebook, certainly do not know him. Give your details to people you do not know : do not walk offering a wealth of information that everyone knows usurparte manage data for many things. Shouting your emotions: Facebook always asks what you’re thinking, but you say it? Lying.   With a computer involved, how it would be easy to say the occasional fib. Become a fan of everything . It looks like a virus! If someone becomes a fan, here are all. And in Facebook there is room for you to love or hate what you want from movies, music, actors, politicians, animals, people … the list is large. And you, how much you’re a fan? Do not greet your “friends.”  How many do you have in your list of Facebook?How many know in real life? Make it part of your social network, does not mean they are friends in real life, even as they are known, or maybe they know him, but out of Internet paralyzes you even think to say hello. Let’s test it: how many of your Facebook friends list, truly are? I like!  Is everything you like? If? Having a farm: maybe you do, but I think not. Writing (not to mention) badly about your boss or coworkers.  ’s clear that existed long before Facebook, we have tended to speak ill of people behind their backs certain (do not deny it), but it is very different in a private conversation to “shout” to the four winds in the state of Facebook. Presuming your drunkenness.  Probably you did with your friends in private, but since Facebook arrived, which is a kind of “chismógrafo” now all boast everything they do, even drunk.

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For all the busy mothers and working women

Slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,
Slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?
Slow down mummy, make yourself a cup tea.
Slow down mummy, come spend some time with me.
Slow down mummy, let’s pull boots on for a walk,

Let’s kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.
Slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,
Come sit and snuggle under the duvet, and rest with me a while.
Slow down mummy, those dirty dishes can wait,
Slow down mummy, let’s have some fun – bake a cake!
Slow down mummy, I know you work a lot,

But sometimes mummy, it’s nice when you just stop.
Sit with us a minute, And listen to our day,
Spend a cherished moment,
Because our childhood won’t stay!

-R. Knight

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