If only I knew

…..If I knew it would be the last time

That I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss

And call you back for one more…..

If I knew it would be the last time

I could spare an extra minute

To stop and say “I love you”,

Instead of assuming you would KNOW I do…..

…..Just in case…..

…..today is all I get,

I’d like to say how much I love you

And I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance

You get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,

Why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes,

You’ll surely regret the day.

That you didn’t take that extra time

For a smile, a hug, or a kiss

And you were too busy to grant someone,

What turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today.

And whisper in their ear,

Tell them how much you love them

And that you’ll always hold them dear.

Take time to say, “I’m sorry”

“Please forgive me”, “Thank you”, or “It’s okay”

And if tomorrow never comes,

You’ll have no regrets about today.  

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Problem

There was a father who left 17 camels as an asset for his three sons.

When the father passed away, his sons opened up the Will.

The Will of the father stated that the eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of total camels while the middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) and the youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total camels.
As it was not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the three sons started to fight with each other. So, the three sons decided to go to a wise man.

The wise man read the Will patiently. The wise man, after giving due thought, brought one camel of his own and added the same to 17. That increased the total to 18 camels.

Now, he started reading the deceased father’s Will.

Half of 18 = 9. So he gave the eldest son 9 camels

1/3rd of 18 = 6. So he gave the middle son 6 camels

1/9th of 18 = 2. So he gave the youngest son 2 camels.

Now add this up: 9 plus 6 plus 2 is 17 and this leaves one camel, which the wise man took back!

Moral:  The attitude of negotiation and problem solving is to find the 18th camel i.e. the common ground. Once a person is able to find the 18th camel the issue is resolved. It is difficult at times. However, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. If we think that there is no solution, we won’t be able to reach any!

Source: Venkat mails

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Mummy

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" The Indian mother replies, "I don't like her."

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Keep me alive

My friend was slowly recovering from a heart attack. "Doctor," she 
pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next 
two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's graduation."

"We'll try," he replied compassionately.

In due course she gratefully attended the graduation.

Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is 
to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."

"We'll do our best," he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter's wedding.

Ten years passed. She visited her cardiologist regularly and followed 
his instructions religiously.

One morning she called him. "Doctor," she began, "I'm feeling fine, 
but I have another request to ask of you. Remember how you saw me 
through to my grandson's graduation?"

"Yes."

"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter's wedding?"

"Yes."

"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just 
bought myself a new mattress."

"Yes?"

"It has a 20-year guarantee..."





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My father

There was a young boy who used to come for regular practice but always played in the reserves and never made it to the soccer eleven. While he was practicing, his father used to sit at the far end waiting for him. The matches had started and for four days, he didn't show up for practice or the quarter or semifinals. All of a sudden he showed up for the finals, went to the coach and said, "Coach, you have always kept me in the reserves and never let me play in the finals. But today, please let me play." The coach said, "Son, I'm sorry, I can't let you. There are better players than you and besides, it is the finals, the reputation of the school is at stake and I cannot take a chance." The boy pleaded, "Coach, I promise I will not let you down. I beg of you, please let me play." The coach had never seen the boy plead like this before. He said, "OK, son, go, play. But remember, I am going against my better judgment and the reputation of the school is at stake. Don't let me down." The game started and the boy played like a house on fire. Every time he got the ball, he shot a goal. Needless to say, he was the best player and the star of the game. His team had a spectacular win. When the game finished, the coach went up to him and said, "Son, how could I have been so wrong in my life. I have never seen you play like this before. What happened? How did you play so well?" The boy replied, "Coach, my father is watching me today." The coach turned around and looked at the place where the boy's father used to sit. There was no one there. He said, "Son, your father used to sit there when you came for practice, but I don't see anyone there today." The boy replied, "Coach, there is something I never told you. My father was blind. Just four days ago, he died. Today is the first day he is watching me from above." Moral: DIFFERENT THINGS MOTIVATE DIFFERENT PEOPLE

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Rules

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE...

1. Money cannot buy happiness

But

Its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes

Than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy

But

Remember the bastard's name.....

3. Help someone when they are in trouble

And

They will remember you

When they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only

Because

it's illegal to shoot them...

 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems,

But

Then again,

Neither does milk.

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English and Hindi

English and Hindi always Contradict... English: The sooner the better... Hindi: Jaldi ka kaam shaitaan ka hota hai... English: Think of the devil, and the devil is here... Hindi: Badi lambi umar hai tumhari, abhi tumhe hi yaad kar rahe the... English: Don't wait, fight for your rights... Hindi: Sabr ka fal meetha hota hai... ...and the most striking of all, English: As wise as an owl... Hindi: Ullu ka Pattha... (Taken from Santa Banta)

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Last wish

Old Max had started out as a diamond cutter, and through
hard work and good judgement he finally became the owner
of a National chain of jewelry stores. He was wealthy
indeed.

But now, he lay dying, so he called his wife to his side.
“Hannah,” he began, “I always meant to draw up a will but
somehow I never got around to it. So pay close to attention
to my last wishes.”

“Yes, Max, I am listening,” Hannah wept. “Whatever you want,
it will be done.”

“First of all, the business I leave to Harry.”

“Oh, no, Max, not to Harry!” his wife protested. “With Harry
it’s girl-girls-girls! Leave the business better to Jerome.
He’s at least reliable and has a good head for figures.”

“Alright, let it be Jerome,” sighed the dying man. “To Harry
I leave the stocks and bonds.”

“Better you should leave me the stocks and bonds. I should
take care he doesn’t squander it on women or cards.”

“Very well, in your name I leave the securities. And the
summer house I leave to our sweet Minnie.”

“Minnie!” exclaimed his wife. “What for what does Minnie
need another summer house? Her husband didn’t buy her one
last year? Give it to Anna – her husband is a poor man.
After all she’s our flesh and blood too.”

“Fine! Anna gets the summer house,” he sighed resignedly.
“And to our youngest Abe, I leave the car and the warehouses.”

“But Abe has already 2 cars. What does he need with another
one? And he wants to be a musician – what would he do with
warehouses? Take my advice and give them to Louis.

That did it! Old Max had taken all he could of his wife’s
interference. Raising himself off the pillow and summoning
his last ounce of strength, he snapped, “Hannah, you are a
good women and have been a fine wife and mother. But listen
– who is dying around here – you or me?”

(Taken from Docs daily chuckles)

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Magic bowl

 A King was going to his palace after his routine rounds in the city when he met a beggar. He asked the beggar, “What do you want?”

 The beggar laughed and said, “You are asking me as though you can fulfill my desire!”

 The king was offended. He said, “Of course I can fulfill your desire. What is it? Just tell me.”

 And the beggar said, “Think twice before you promise anything.”

 “I will fulfill anything you ask. I am a very powerful emperor, what can you possibly desire that I can not give to you?”

 The beggar said, “It is a very simple desire. You see this begging bowl? Can you fill it with something?”

 The emperor said, “Of course!” He called one of his viziers and told him, “Fill this mans begging bowl with money.” The vizier went and got some money and poured it into the bowl, and it disappeared. And he poured more and more, and the moment he would pour it, it would disappear. And the begging bowl remained always empty.

The whole palace gathered. By and by the rumor went throughout the whole capital, and a huge crowd gathered. The prestige of the emperor was at stake. He said to his viziers, “If the whole kingdom is lost, I am ready to lose it, but I cannot be defeated by this beggar.”

Diamonds and pearls and emeralds, his treasuries were becoming empty.The begging bowl seemed to be bottomless. Everything that was put into it — everything! — immediately disappeared, went out of existence. Finally it was the evening, and the people were standing there in utter silence. The king dropped at the feet of the beggar and admitted his defeat. he said, “Just tell me one thing. You are victorious – but before you leave, just fulfill my curiosity. What is the beging bowl made of?”

 The beggar laughed and said, “There is no secret. It is simple made up of human desire.”

Moral: Man’s desire for Money will never finish. If he has a million dollars he will wish for two. So the right way is to be content with whatever you have.

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WHAT IS LOVE

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.  See what you think:
“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.  That’s love.” Rebecca – age 8
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.  You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4
Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7
“Love is when you kiss all the time.  Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.  My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily – age 8
 “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7
“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6
“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.  I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.  He was the only one doing that.  I wasn’t scared anymore,” Cindy – age 8
“My mommy loves me more than anybody.  You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” Clare – age 6
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine -age 5
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann – age 4
“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 4
“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” Karen – age 7
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it.  But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.  People forget,” Jessica – age 8

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Computer

A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user... Help desk: Double click on "My Computer". Lady: I can't see your computer... Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer. Lady: How the hell can I click on ur computer from my computer???!! Help desk: there is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it... Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ??!!!                                                      (Taken from Santa Banta)

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Calorie rules

People often tell you not to eat this or eat that because it contains more calories and that extra calories are bad for you. Well here are some rules of calories which you can tell them:

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie-related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

Cookie pieces contain no calories — the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.




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Doctor

We brought our newborn son, Adam to the pediatrician 
for his first checkup. As he finished, the doctor told us, 
"You have a cute baby." 

Smiling, I said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." 

"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies really are 
good- looking." 

"So what do you say to the others?" 

"He looks just like you." 

(Taken from: Docs daily chuckles)

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Bulls

A Young man wished to marry the Farmer’s Beautiful Daughter.

He went to the Farmer to ask his permission. The Farmer looked him over and said, “Son, Go stand out in that field. I’m going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, you can marry my daughter.”

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let t he bull pass through the pasture out the back gate. The barn door opened again.

Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life. It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him.

Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the pasture, out the back gate. The door opened a third time. a smile came a cross his face. This was the Weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment.

He Grabbed… But The Bull Had No Tail!

Moral Of the story:

Life Is Full Of Opportunities. Some Will Be Easy To Take Advantage Of, Some Will Be Difficult. But Once We Let Them Pass (Often In Hopes Of Something Better), Those Opportunities May Never Again Be Available.

So Always Grab The First Opportunity

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Presence of mind

There was once a famous Jewish court astrologer named Isaac the Great. The King's mistress got sick and Isaac was called in from a prediction. He happened to know a bit of medicine as well and could see that she was going to die, so thought he would take the opportunity to bolster his credibility a little. He said, "Your Majesty, she will die in three days -- it's in the stars." Sure enough, three days later, she dies. The King is very angry so he blames the astrologer. He calls Isaac in and demands, "Look into the stars and tell me the day of your own death." Isaac the astrologer understands that the King is going to kill him so he looks at the Horoscope with great intensity and answers, "Sir, I can't tell exactly when, but I can see in the stars that the King will die three days after me."

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