AMAZON

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Question and answer

Common questions asked  when you go abroad and their appropriate replies which you can give

Does India have cars?

A.     No.  We ride elephants to work.  The government is trying to

       encourage ride-sharing schemes.

Q.  Does India have TV?

A.     No.  We only have cable.

Q.  Are all Indians vegetarian?

A.     Yes.  Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Q.  How come you speak English so well?

A.     You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians as servants.  It took too long for the Indians to learn English.So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused

their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.

Q.  Are you a Hindi?

A.     Yes.  I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Q.  Do you speak Hindu?

A.     Yes,  I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Q.  Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?

A.     Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would

       let me go to school.

Q.  India is very hot, isn't it?

A.     It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously.

       That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.

Q.  I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?

A.     We don't have shoes.  So we burn the botton of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.

Source

by richa@csa1.lbl.gov (RICHA GOVIL)

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Formula

Formula for married couples... 

"Love One Another" 

And if it doesn't work, bring the last word in the middle!


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Statistics

·         As of December 2013, Chrome was the most used Web browser. -

·         Google Chrome came out on top in 2013 with 46.63 percent of global desktop users. Internet Explorer came in second with 24.91 percent and Firefox third with 20.3 percent.Last, we find Safari with 4.8 percent and Opera with 1.33 percent. - 

·         Most of the world's Internet users are in Asia. - Internet World Stats

·         China continues to be Internet leader in the world having reached 604 million users in September 2013, up 13 million users since June 30 2013. 

·         Access to the Internet using a mobile phone more than doubled between 2010 and 2013, from 24% to 53%.

·         Some 73% of online adults now use a social networking site of some kind.

·         Facebook is the dominant social networking platform in the number of users, but a striking number of users are now diversifying onto other platforms.

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Bizzare cases

Vienna, Austria: A 73-year-old woman was taken to court by her son on stalking charges after phoning him as many as 49 times a day for two-and-a-half years. “I just wanted to talk to him,” the woman stated, but apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual. She was fined almost $500 for her actions.

Case 2

Edwardsville, Illinois: Charles Douglas, 58, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after approaching parents in a park and asking if he could tickle their children. A judge dismissed the charge, ruling Douglas’ actions legal. Creepy, but legal.

Case 3

Patna, India: Balgovind Prasad, a 75-year-old doctor, was sentenced to three months in jail for taking a 51-cent bribe 24 years earlier. Prasad had taken the money from a sweeper in exchange for issuing a fake medical certificate.

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quotes

Stay away from Anger... It hurts ... Only You!!! If you are right then there is no need to get angry, And if you are wrong then you don't have any right to get angry. Patience with family is love, Patience with others is respect, Patience with self is confidence and Patience with GOD is faith. Never Think Hard about PAST, It brings Tears... Don't Think more about FUTURE, It brings Fears... Live this Moment with a Smile, It brings Cheers.!!!! Every test in our life makes us bitter or better, Every problem comes to make us or break us, Choice is our whether we become victim or victorious !!! Search a beautiful heart not a beautiful face. Beautiful things are not always good but good things are always beautiful. Do you know, why God created gaps between fingers? So that someone who is special to you, comes and fills those gaps by holding your hand forever.   ------------------------------------------------------ Life is not waiting for the storms to pass.........its about learning how to dance in the rain.

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QUOTES

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys."
- Harmon Killebrew

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
- Clarence Budington Kelland

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.
- Gloria Naylor

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.
- Sigmund Freud

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!
- Lydia M. Child

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman, he turns her back again.
- Enid Bagnold

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby

You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.
- Erika Cosby

To be a successful father . . . there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
- Ernest Hemingway

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
- Charles Wadsworth

A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.
- Gabriel Garca Mrquez 


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Taxi Driver

A NYC Taxi driver wrote: I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a 

minute', answered a frail, elderly voice.

I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware. 'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.

 I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.' 'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?' 'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.. 'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. 'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. 'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse. 'Nothing,' I said 'You have to make a living,' she answered. 'There are other passengers,' I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly. 'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.' I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.. I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift.

 I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

(sent to me by Karuna)

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Wife

1. Subaah subaah garam paani milega..... Bartan dhone ke liye. 2. Pyaare pyaare bachche milenge..... Aapko gadha Banaane ke liye. 3. Har roz biwi aapse pyar se bolegi..... Ration laane ke liye. 4. Biwi aapke baahon me baahein daalegi..... Kharcha paani ke liye. 5. Aap gaana gaana shuru kar doge..... Bachchon ko sulaane ke liye. 6. Wo roz taiyaar hokar saamne aayegi..... Shopping jaane ke liye. 7. Aapko bhi whiskey ka mazaa ayegaa..... Kuch der gum bhulaane ke liye. NO LIFE WITHOUT WIFE

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Guru Nanak ji

Once a king in India went to Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji and asked, “O Guru Ji! As you told us that God Himself supports His true worshiper, but God has so many apostles, why does He support His devotees Himself? Why does not He send His apostles to help the devotees?”

As he said this, his own son who was playing at the bank of a nearby river slipped in the river. The king did not waited for a second and jumped in the river right after his son to save his child.

After saving his child he returned to the Guru. The Guru asked, “My dear friend, you were sitting here with me a minute ago and why did you jump in the river?” King explained that his son had slipped in the river and he went to save him.

Then the Guru asked, “Dear friend, you have so many servants then why did you jumped in the river by yourself? Why did not you send you servants to save him?”

The King said, “When it come to my son. I do not want to take any chances and would do anything it takes to protect him. I love my son very much and I do not want to lose him at any cost.”

Then Guru Ji said, “My dear friend, God loves His devotees the same way as you love your son. That is why he Himself saves His true worshiper.”

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Don't say 'It is not my problem'

This is a power point presentation. Click on the title to view the slide show. Each slide is of ten second duration

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The Race

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Conductor

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board

the bus, but he didn’t stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died

on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who

in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the

center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The

conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to

him. But to everyone’s amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him

free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman

tried to board the bus but the conductor didn’t stop the bus. Unfortunately,

this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and

died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn

took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him

capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution

chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and

a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the

chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to

everyone’s amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he

returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the

bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,

stopped

the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his

injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to

the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn’t done anything wrong, but

considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and

gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same

electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center

of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was

strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time

he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn’t he die on the first two occasions, but died

instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is

perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

! Still you couldn’t, Then see below………

think hard

come on ………….

tired….

wanna know the answer????

ok…….. there is the Answer…………

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,

therefore electricity didn’t pass through him. But during the third time, he

was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died

!!!!!!!!

Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter

on Electricity ???

OK, OK….Relax…..No violence please…!!!!

(taken from venkatmails)

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Cockroach

Suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.  She started screaming out of fear. With panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started doing jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group got cranky to what was happening. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach to another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed and threw it out with his fingers.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior? If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos. It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized even in my case then , it is not the shouting of my father or my boss that disturbs me, but its my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that hurts me.

I understood, I should not react in life. I should always respond.

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always intellectual...

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The empty suitcase

A man died, when he realized it, he saw God coming closer with a suitcase in his hand.

- God said: Alright son its time to go. - Surprised the man responded: Now? So soon? I had a lot of plans... - I'm sorry but its time to go. - What do you have in that suitcase? the man asked. - God answered: Your belongings. - My belongings? you mean my things, my clothes, my money? -God answered: Those things were not yours they belonged to the earth.

- Is it my memories? the man asked. -God answered: Those never belonged to you they belonged to Time. - Is it my talents? -God answered: Those were never yours they belonged to the circumstances. - Is it my friends and family? -God answered: I'm sorry they were never yours they belonged to the path. - Is it my wife and son? - God answered: They were never yours the belonged to your heart. - Is it my body? - God answered: That was never yours it belonged to the dust. -Is it my soul? God answered: No that is mine. Full of fear, the man took the suitcase from God and opened it just to find out the suitcase was empty. - With a tear coming down his cheek the man said: I never had anything???

-God answered:

God Said: That is correct, every moment you lived were only yours. Life is just a moment. A moment that belongs to you. For this reason enjoy this time while you have it. Don't let anything that you think you own stop you from doing so. -Live Now -Live your life - Don't forget to be happy, that is the only thing that matters. - Material things and everything else that you fought for stay here. -YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING.

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The 90:10 principle

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The wise old man

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Two choices

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What is love and what is marriage?

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back o pick." The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...." *"What is marriage then?" the student asked. The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick." The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher. The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage."

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