Why it is impossible to hijack KFA plane

 The Kompletely Finished Airlines (KFA) was on the brink. Its pilots
were on strike and staff had not been paid salaries for six months.
Banks, which had lent huge sums of money, were closing in. But there
was one reason why KF Airlines still drew passengers; it was hijack
proof. And this is how it earned its reputation.

It happened some months back.

Two of the three hijackers on KFA Flight 333, who had dozed off to
sleep, wake up and spring out of their seats brandishing things that
looked like sharp weapons. One of them takes hold of the stewardess
and yells for all the passengers to hear, “Don’t move. This is a
hijack. We are taking this plane to Karachi.”

“Wait a minute,” says a passenger who looks like a banker, “you can’t
take this plane. My bank has already seized it to recover dues owned
by the company. This plane is going to Mumbai to be auctioned.”

“Just hold on,” says the hijacker, “let me check my tickets. We could
be on the wrong flight.” After checking his tickets he says, “We are
on the correct flight. To hell with your bank.”

One of the hijackers moves towards the cockpit taking the stewardess
along while the second one stands guard in the isle. Meanwhile the
third hijacker takes his place at the rear. The cockpit door is jerked
open and the hijacker rushes in and shuts it. “There is no need to
panic. Stay calm. This is a hijack. If you do as you are told your
life will be spared.”

Seeing the surprised look on the pilot’s face, the hijacker asked,
“Who are you?”

“I am the steward, not the pilot,” said the uniformed person in the
pilot’s seat. “The pilots are on strike because they haven’t been paid
salaries for the last three months.”

“Then, who is flying this plane?” asked the hijacker, a little nervous now.
“Nobody is,” said the steward, “we haven’t even taken off.”

The turn of events shocks the hijacker, but he quickly recovers. “I
must have dozed off.  Can you fly this plane?” he asks the steward.
“But I don’t have a licence,” says the steward.

“What if I hold a box cutter to your head?” the hijacker threatens.
“Then maybe,” says the steward, “but there still is one problem. We
don’t have fuel.”

“What?” the hijacker asks.

“The oil companies won’t give us fuel because we still owe them a lot
of money,” the steward blurts out.

The hijacker thinks for a while and then pulls out his satellite phone
and makes a call to Karachi. “Karachi, we have a problem. Can you wire
some 10,000 dollars to the KFA account to buy some aviation fuel?”
Karachi agrees, but the money has to be routed through a series of
offshore accounts to hide the source and this takes some time.
Meanwhile the hijacker yells for the stewardess. “Bring me some
coffee.”

“Sorry sir,” says the stewardess, “but the company cut coffee,
biscuits and toffees from the menu to pay the mortgage on the boss’s
luxury yacht.
”
After what seems like an hour a fuel tanker drives to the plane and
unloads its contents.

“Can we take off now?” the hijacker asks.

“I don’t think we can take off, because this plane has only one
engine,” says the steward.

“What happened to the other one?” asks the hijacker.

“It is being used to power the boss’s Formula 1 car.”

The hijacker is stunned. He then gets angry that the hijack has gone
horribly wrong and yells. “I want to talk to your boss.”

The frightened steward calls up the boss and gives the phone to the
hijacker who listens for a while and then hands it back. “What did he
say?” the steward asks.

“Nothing. The mobile company said his SIM card was deactivated because
bills were not paid for the last six months,” says the hijacker and
walks out.

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